Second Life
by Bexish
Summary: Michael finds a new way for the staff to bond after watching Dwight play Second Life.
1. Conference Room, Now!

"Cute house, Dwight."

Dwight rolled his eyes. "This is not a house, Jim," he said, taking off his headphones. "This is the headquarters of my office."

"So you're building an office. With a bed."

He shook his head. "No, Jim. This is my personal headquarters in my office building."

"Oh, so it's like an apartment."

"Do you not understand what I am trying to tell you? It is my personal headquar-"

"Oh cool!" Michael peered over Dwight's shoulder, looking at the little room on the screen. "Is that The Sims? I tried downloading The Sims on my computer a few months ago but for I didn't have administrator privileges so it wouldn't let me." Which was stupid, he thought. He WAS the administrator, wasn't he?

Dwight scoffed. "The Sims? I'm not a 12 year old girl. This is Second Life, a highly realistic virtual world. Anything you can do in the real world you can do in Second Life. I for instance am the chief of police, the head warden at the prison and the owner of a chain of highly successful motels."

"I thought you said it was highly realistic," Jim said, looking over at Dwight's character.

It was wearing a cape. "How did you become chief of police?"

"It's not important how I got there. What matters is that I'm the chief of police in my reign as chief I am going to make sure no evils befall the citizens of this great city." With a final click Dwight added a wood burning fireplace to his headquarters.

Michael studied the screen. What an amazing game. It was like a whole other universe right on the internet. "Are all those other people on there real people too?"

"Of course they are," Dwight said. "Would you want to play a game that relied on artificial intelligence?"

"I might," Michael said seriously. "I love The Sims and they just do their own thing without anyone controlling them." All of the townie Sims had complicated backstories and relationships though. Michael's characters ended up getting slapped a lot because sometimes his guys would hit on girls that were married. Or lesbians. He always seemed to accidentally hit on the lesbians. "So they're really real? Can you talk to them and stuff?"

"Yeah, Dwight does it all the time," Jim said, pointing at the microphone clipped to the side of Dwight's monitor. "You can't hear that from your office?"

Michael usually had his door closed so he could watch videos on YouTube without bothering anyone with the sound. Who really wanted to listen to everyone's boring business calls, anyway? "No. So you can make your own little person and just walk around and build a house and talk to people?" This game was amazing. It was exactly like real life.

"You can also get a job and work your way up the career ladder and run meetings with your subordinates," Dwight said.

"And buy capes," Jim pointed out. Michael wasn't listening, though. Run meetings with your subordinates? Michael had a lot of those. And right now they were all on the phones or staring at their computer screens, barely talking to each other or even paying attention to anything going on in the office. He could've shouted fire and nothing would happen. They had no spirit! And the answer to all their boring problems was right here in front of them on Dwight's computer screen.

"Everyone in the conference room right now!" Michael walked over to Stanley and hung up his phone. "This is very important so please just hang up on whoever you're talking to and get in there!" Dwight was the only one who got up right away. Stanley just picked up his phone to call back whoever he was talking to. Was no one in this office dedicated to keeping the fun in the office? All Stanley did was crossword puzzles. He was almost as boring as Toby, but Michael would never tell Stanley that. He wasn't afraid of Stanley, but he really didn't want to get yelled at again.

"Michael, I put a lot of papers in your office that needed signing earlier. We have to send those tonight. Do you think maybe this can wait until you do that?"

"No, Pam, it can't. We haven't done anything fun since Meredith got hit by that car and that fun run was not even that fun because I had to go to the hospital. This office is the most boring place in the world and now I know how to fix it so will you please just get in the conference room and sign the papers for me later?" He was probably just going to end up signing them with fake names again anyway. It was so boring, signing thousands of things the same way over and over.

No one in this office understood how important this was. It was nearly twenty minutes before everyone was in the conference room and half of them weren't even paying attention. Well, they were about to be completely blown away.

"Everyone," Michael started, pulling down the projector screen. "I have found the answer to all of our problems. And it comes in the form of the internet."

"We already have the internet on our computers," Kelly pointed out. "I'm online like all the time. They don't even block Zappos here so I've ordered like three pairs of shoes this week already. Oh my god, I got the cutest pair of shoes from Gwen Stefani's line. They're all silvery and they have these really spiky heels and they're kind of high, but I think I'll be okay in them as long as –"

"No, it's not just the internet, Kelly. It's what's on the internet. May I present to you all – Second Life!" Michael waved grandly at the screen.

"It says the page cannot be displayed, Michael," Pam pointed out. "I think maybe you typed the address wrong."

"No, I –" Oh, he did. Second Life, not Second Lif. He fixed it, then pointed to the screen again. "Second Life! We are all going to make our own characters and then meet on the computer and have our meetings there! It's fun, it saves us time, it's interactive, it's efficient. It's the perfect thing!"

"Does it cost money?" Kelly asked. "Because my shoes were really expensive. I don't even think I can pay my Visa bill this month."

"No money! It does not cost a single thing." It was free, right? He should've checked beforehand. "It's not just a second life, it's a _better _life. It's everything you could want in this world but better and free!"

"Can you have pets in Second Life?" Angela asked.

"As many pets as you want! And they're all free! You can have a million cats if you want to and you can give them names and feed them and dress them up and make them have cute little babies." Dwight looked like he wanted to argue with that but Angela looked pleased. Angela didn't like anything and if she was on board then everyone was going to have a great time with this. This was going to be great!

"Michael…"

"What, Toby? Do you have a problem with this? You should be glad! You don't even have to make one and you can stop coming to the meetings so it all works out perfectly!" What would Toby even do on Second Life? Probably open a store that sold boring things and be all losery there too. "There are no problems with this! It's amazing! Now, everyone go home and work on your characters."

"Michael, it's only 3:30. And you really need to get those papers signed by 5."

"Don't bring everyone down, Pam! The papers can wait. This is important. Everyone go

home and set up your accounts and make your characters and be back here at 6 am tomorrow so we can get going!"


	2. The Second Lives of Dunder Mifflin

No one in this office understood how important this was. It was nearly twenty minutes before everyone was in the conference room and half of them weren't even paying attention. Well, they were about to be completely blown away.

"Everyone," Michael started, pulling down the projector screen. "I have found the answer to all of our problems. And it comes in the form of the internet."

"We already have the internet on our computers," Kelly pointed out. "I'm online like all the time. They don't even block Zappos here so I've ordered like three pairs of shoes this week already. Oh my god, I got the cutest pair of shoes from Gwen Stefani's line. They're all silvery and they have these really spiky heels and they're kind of high, but I think I'll be okay in them as long as –"

"No, it's not just the internet, Kelly. It's what's on the internet. May I present to you all – Second Life!" Michael waved grandly at the screen.

"It says the page cannot be displayed, Michael," Pam pointed out. "I think maybe you typed the address wrong."

"No, I –" Oh, he did. Second Life, not Second Lif. He fixed it, then pointed to the screen again. "Second Life! We are all going to make our own characters and then meet on the computer and have our meetings there! It's fun, it saves us time, it's interactive, it's efficient. It's the perfect thing!"

"Does it cost money?" Kelly asked. "Because my shoes were really expensive. I don't even think I can pay my Visa bill this month."

"No money! It does not cost a single thing." It was free, right? He should've checked beforehand. "It's not just a second life, it's a _better _life. It's everything you could want in this world but better and free!"

"Can you have pets in Second Life?" Angela asked.

"As many pets as you want! And they're all free! You can have a million cats if you want to and you can give them names and feed them and dress them up and make them have cute little babies." Dwight looked like he wanted to argue with that but Angela looked pleased. Angela didn't like anything and if she was on board then everyone was going to have a great time with this. This was going to be great!

"Michael…"

"What, Toby? Do you have a problem with this? You should be glad! You don't even have to make one and you can stop coming to the meetings so it all works out perfectly!" What would Toby even do on Second Life? Probably open a store that sold boring things and be all losery there too. "There are no problems with this! It's amazing! Now, everyone go home and work on your characters."

"Michael, it's only 3:30. And you really need to get those papers signed by 5."

"Don't bring everyone down, Pam! The papers can wait. This is important. Everyone go

home and set up your accounts and make your characters and be back here at 6 am tomorrow so we can get going!"

Apparently Michael was the only one who understood how awesome this was because everyone showed up at 9 the next day like usual. That was okay, though. He had three whole hours to put the finishing touches on his character. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to use his real name or make one up so his character (which was called an avatar, he had learned) was named Michael Scarn. And he was hot. Second Life really was better. At the office Michael always had to be fully clothed because people complained if he wasn't, but Michael Scarn could walk around in just his jeans all day long. And they fit perfectly.

Once everyone was settled in at their computers Michael went out and looked around. No one was even on Second Life yet. Except Dwight, but that didn't even count because he was always on. "Get on Second Life, guys! I want to start a meeting in 10 minutes at that knockoff Starbucks place." Michael loved the knockoff Starbucks. He had spent three hours there last night just talking to people. Everyone was so much nicer on Second Life. And they all thought he was cool. Well, they thought Michael Scarn was cool. But he was Michael Scarn so it was the same thing.

"Oh, I went there last night!" Kelly said, picking through the jelly beans at reception. She was only taking the pink ones. "I was dying for a latte after I went shopping."

"You do know this isn't real, right?" Oscar didn't even have the internet open. He was looking at something in Excel. For someone who was supposed to be flamboyant and exciting he was really kind of boring.

"It's very realistic, Oscar," Michael said. "And the meeting is starting in 10 minutes and everyone needs to be there or else no one is leaving until midnight so you all need to be there!" There. That would make them get moving. Michael went back into his office and opened Second Life. He was the first person to get to the meeting place. Or was he? He didn't know what anyone had named their characters. "Dunder Mifflin!" he said into his mic. "Is anyone here yet?" It was so much fun to talk into the microphone. He had bought them for all the computers last night so everyone could have a really fun time. They could just pay him back.

He didn't get a response, but a girl in a lot of pink clothes sat at a table by his. The avatar looked kind of like Kelly, but it was named Rihanna Beyonce Aniston. It was definitely Kelly.

"_This is soooo fun!_" The message popped up above her head in a little bubble. "_How do u talk tho? IDK how!_"

"Just talk into the microphone," Michael said, looking around for other people. Dwight was there! And someone who looked kind of like Jim walking right behind him. "I hooked one up on all of the computers so we can all talk to each other."

"No way, that's so cool!" Kelly's avatar set down next to Michael Scarn. "I love your jeans! I was at the mall for like three hours last night looking for perfect clothes. I bought so many! They had super cute things. I wish I had all the clothes I have on here."

Dwight sat down on Michael's other side. "That's such a waste of time," he said. "You should be working and advancing in your career, not spending money on clothes. How many clothes do you need? I have one outfit and it's served me well in my time here."

"And your cape," Jim pointed out. He wasn't sitting at the table but instead hovering just over Dwight's head, looking down at the table. "Don't forget about your cape."

"That cape is for business, Jim. How are you doing that? Get off of my head!"

"I have no idea how," Jim said, still hovering. Another person joined them at the table. She looked a lot like –

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Please hold." Through his office window Michael could see Pam put her hand over the receiver. "Michael, I have Ryan on the line."

"Not now, Pam! We're in a business meeting. Tell him to call back." Normally Michael loved to hear from his brain child and since he worked at corporate now he usually had to talk to him but right now he was in the middle of something very important.

"Ryan, he's in a meeting right now… No, I don't know who he's with… Personal? Um… it might be personal. I can check if you want… Just have him call you back? Okay." Pam hung up the phone and made her avatar turn toward Michael. "Michael, that call sounded really important. You should call Ryan back."

"I'll call him back later! This is the first of many very important business meetings and I want to start it off right."

"Meredith, hey!" Kelly said as an avatar that really did look scarily like Meredith sat down next to her. You with think Meredith would've made herself look better since she had the chance. "Isn't this the coolest thing? You can do everything here. I bought so many clothes yesterday. Only I can't figure out how to change my clothes so they aren't really doing me any good right now. Does anyone know how to change clothes?"

"Do they sell booze here?"

"Meredith, it's not real," Phyllis said. At least, it was Phyllis' voice. It was coming from an avatar that a second ago Michael had thought was hot. Now he was just completely weirded out. That was not right. Phyllis' grandmotherly voice should not be coming out of that very hot young woman. Phyllis' completely unrealistic avatar joined them at the table. "It's fun though, isn't it? I've never played a game like this before."

"That's because these kinds of games are new, Phyllis. No one would expect an older woman such as yourself to have heard of them before." Phyllis had said she and Michael were the same age a million times and they _had _gone to high school together but she had to be much older than him. And right now he was trying to kindly let her know that it was just wrong to have such a hot young avatar when she sounded like she did.

"Damn it, Jim!" Dwight's avatar was trying to move but he was being pinned down by Jim, who had stopped hovering and was more or less sitting on Dwight's head. "Get off my head!"

"Sorry, Dwight. I don't know how to get down. I've never played this game before."

"It's not a game! This is an important business meeting." Michael was getting a bit frustrated. Why was no one sitting down and paying attention to him? Kelly had figured out how to change her clothes because she was in a purple shirt now, but other than that it didn't seem like anybody was doing anything.

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Please hold."

"Pam! Please will you hang up the phone please and please pay attention to the business meeting please?" Maybe if he said please enough she would stop answering the phone and partake in the conversation that was actually taking place right here.

"Michael, hold on a minute. I know this meeting is important but I still have calls to transfer to other people." She sounded exactly like Jan used to sound when she said Michael was "trying her patience". That was scary.

"Yes, this is Oscar Martinez," Oscar said. Oscar was here? Michael didn't see any Mexican avatars in leather pants around. "Yes, I know Mr. Robinson. I can get those figures to you by lunch… By ten? Sure, I can do that."

"Oscar, get off the phone!" Why was everyone on the phone and not talking to him?

"Michael, that's an important call," Pam said. She sounded so nice now. Not so much like Jan anymore. "He's been waiting for the Robinson Group to call him back for almost a week now."

"Jim, I swear! You need to get off my face!"

"I don't know how to work this thing!"

"So is there no alcohol here then? We should've gone to a bar."

"Meredith, I don't think you can get a buzz off virtual alcohol."

"Guys, is this skirt not the cutest? You know what, this skirt would go perfectly with my Gwen Stefani heels! I wonder if they have some heels that look like that at the mall here. I should go check after this meeting. Michael, is it almost over?"

"Sorry I'm late!" A new person had joined their group, and this one was walking a cat on a leash. Angela. "I just could not get Snowflake on his leash. Michael, why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"Because, Angela, I'm hot, okay? I have amazing abs and I want to show them off! God, why is everyone being so critical?" This was not going how he thought it would. Everyone was supposed to be relaxed and fun here! It was supposed to be a way for them all to have fun and get some work done at the same time. But no, everyone was focused on talking on the phone and their shoes and their fake cats. No one was even paying attention to him. This was not how this was supposed to go, damn it.

"Angela, that cat is so cute! I'm thinking of getting a little puppy that I can carry around in my purse, like a little poodle or maybe a Chihuahua. Like Paris Hilton! I wouldn't name it Tinkerbell like she did, though."

"A dog? You better not bring it to meetings. Snowflake is very selective and I'm sure she doesn't like dogs." The cat jumped up on the table and Angela's avatar began petting it. That looked kind of nice. Maybe he should get an animal of some kind. After this meeting he would go to the pet store and see what they had over there.

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam… Michael, it's Ryan again. He really needs to talk to you."

"Tell him I will call him back, Pam!" Ryan was really cool and one of Michael's best friends but he was so needy sometimes. As a boss he should've understood the importance of a business meeting.

"I am not going to stay here if Jim is going to be jumping on my head the entire time," Dwight complained, looking toward Michael's office. "Michael, can you please do something about this?"

"Dwight, I told you I don't know how to get down. Aren't you the expert on this game? Just tell me how to get down and I will."

"You just have to hold shift and the down arrow. It's exactly the opposite of the way you got up there!"

Jim's avatar finally stopped hovering over Dwight. "Thank you. Was that so hard?"

"Mr. Robinson? Angela Martin, yes. I'm going to have our receptionist fax you those figures as soon as possible… Yes, of course the figures are correct. Oscar was very thorough and I looked over them as well… I know they were incorrect last time, which is why we checked over them again… We were not incompetent last quarter!"

"Oh my god Angela will you please hang up the phone? Your business calls are really bringing down the whole mood in here!"

"I don't know, I'm having a pretty fun time." At some point Phyllis had ordered a virtual coffee that she was sipping. Meredith still didn't have anything in front of her. No virtual Long Island iced teas apparently.

"I know, right? This is so cool! I love that I can just change my clothes all the time. Michael, you should really buy a shirt. They have so many cool ones! Your avatar would look great in a really nice polo or a button down. It's business casual."

"Dunder Mifflin, this is – "

"Do not even finish that sentence!" That was it. Barely anyone bothered to show up. Stanley? Creed? Kevin? Andy? Where was Andy? And the people who did weren't doing anything besides playing dress up or answering business calls. That was not how business meetings were supposed to be run.

"Guys! Sorry, I ran a little long on a call. Tuna! Loving the hair. You should do your real hair like that." Of course Andy would show up now, just as Michael was getting frustrated to the point of throwing his computer against the wall.

"I'm not selling you my cape, Jim, so just stop passing me notes asking how much I would take for it! Michael, tell him to stop. Or Pam. You guys are dating, right? Tell him to stop."

"I don't know, Dwight. I kind of like that cape. It's very manly. Jim's avatar would look very nice in a cape."

"I'm with Pam on this one. Tuna would look great in a cape."

"Yes, Mr. Robinson. I know Angela just told you that the figures are right, and I can assure you that she was telling the truth."

"If there's no way we're going to end up going to a bar, can I just leave?"

"Snowflake, no! Lattes are bad for cats. Stay away from her!"

"Hey!" Michael had had it. This wasn't working at all. Second Life had been so fun last night but it was obviously not the right setting for a business meeting. "Can you please all just shut up so we can get to business?"

"Michael, is there really any business to discuss?" Michael was about to go off on Pam when he realized something. He had been so caught up on how cool it would be to do business on Second Life that he hadn't really considered that he didn't actually have anything work related to talk about. That was embarrassing.

"Well… does anyone have anything they want to bring to the table?"

"Oh my god, I just found a list of all the different malls on Second Life!"

"How about we just order a round of lattes and hang out here for a while?" Jim suggested.

"And some milk, for Snowflake."


	3. The Boss Speaks

"Michael, why didn't you return my calls earlier?" Ryan did not seem happy. Ryan never really seemed happy, of course, but he seemed a bit irritated now. "I called you four times before noon and now it's after four."

Michael could hardly be bothered by Ryan's tone right now. Because was the coolest guy in the office. "Sorry. But Ryan, I discovered something amazing today. Do you know what I discovered?"

"What, Michael?"

"Second Life."

"Second Life. The computer game."

"It's more than a game, Ryan. It's a chance to create a better life for yourself!"

"So you've been wasting your entire day playing a computer game in your office? You have employees, Michael. Employees that probably all did more work than you did today."

"That's not true! We all did equally little work. Because you know what we did today, Ryan?"

"What, Michael?" He had a bit of Jan voice going on, just like Pam did earlier. If he had to guess, he was trying Ryan's patience.

"We had a business meeting. At a café. On Second Life. And you know what? It was incredibly productive and fulfilling. And we are all connected and we are all friends and it is great here. This office is a great place to be and the vibe here is just incredible right now! And Angela could even bring her little virtual cat so she was happy. And Angela is never happy! I have made us all a little bit happier. And isn't that more important than work? Happiness?"

"Michael."

"Yes?"

"Second Life is officially no longer allowed in the office."

"Uh, Ryan?"

"Yes, Michael?"

"I bought like thirteen computer microphones and I don't know if I can return them. Do you think corporate could reimburse me for those?"

"Goodbye, Michael."


End file.
